I've just read in the local paper that Babergh District Council (under whose fine jurisdiction the common people of Shotley Gate reside) have carried out a survey which reveals that 66% of ice used in restaurants and take-aways in this area is contaminated with bacteria associated with the human gut. Meaning that staff in two thirds of the local eating establishments are merrily skipping back from their toilet breaks without washing their hands, then picking up handfuls of ice and dropping it into my bacardi and cokes.

So I think that's the last time I ever ask for ice at The Happy Fryer.

Just kidding. I'm sure The Happy Fryer employs the highest standards of food hygiene imaginable.

And if not, they're handily placed just across the road from the doctor's surgery.