Ok, I've got the goss. And it's right up there with the time she spilt orange juice over a member of Whitesnake.

It's Big Sis's birthday today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG SIS!), and she was planning a surprise party for herself on Saturday night (I wasn't invited, but I'm not bitter), so having already exhausted herself with some kind of social shenanigans on Thursday, she decided to stay in on Friday and conserve her energy.

At lunchtime, however, she received a call from a friend offering her free tickets to see James Blunt that night at Perth's Challenge Stadium. Being as deaf as a post, Big Sis thought she said James Blood, and promptly said no, on the grounds that she'd never heard of him. Fortunately, when she mentioned it to her little school chums later that afternoon, they informed her that it must be James Blunt. Sadly Sis hadn't heard of him either.

Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, a room full of trainee pilots eventually started singing 'You're Beautiful' to my sister (there's a first time for everything), and by the time the bell rang for playtime, she'd decided that her knowledge of one song was probably a good enough reason to attend a free concert.

As it turned out though, it wasn't just the concert. The friend also had tickets to the aftershow party (no cameras, no autographs, no fun) because, as Big Sis put it, "she was family friends with the keyboardist, Paul Beardsley". Probably not close friends though, because his name's actually Paul Beard.

According to the James Blunt online encyclopaedia, Paul is "known for his loud shirts and dance routines during live performances" and "James refers to Paul as his 'Bitch'". So here's James and the giant bitch...


Woah, pass the sunglasses, that shirt's loud.

Anyhoo, Sis spent the concert taking pin-sharp photos like the one above, whilst texting a friend to find out more about James Blunt, to help her avoid looking a complete berk when she met him. Apparently, at the sharp end of Blunt's aftershow party in L.A., Paris Hilton was seen fighting Lindsay Lohan for the last beer, so Big Sis was bracing herself for a good two hundred A-list celebs.

It turned out to be twenty. And, in Sis's words, "that included the band, support people and caterers". Mind you, the support act was Gabriella Cilmi, which might mean nothing to Big Sis, but to a GMTV viewer like myself, is pretty big news. They advertise that girl's album in every commercial break between the hours of 7 and 8am, and frankly I'm sick of the sight of her.

Anyhoo, Sis spent two hours chatting to Beardy the ivory tinkler, and described him as "a lovely, very down-to-earth guy". She then met James Blunt. I won't tell you what she thought of him, but suffice it to say he was deeply offended by her comments about the army, and she's unlikely to get an invite to his next bash. She did, however, get to swap stories with Paul about their experiences in private jets. Paul's been in Bono's, while Sis has flown with Elvis.

Naturally they were getting on famously, so Sis took the opportunity to invite Paul to her birthday party the following day. Thinking on his feet, Paul replied that he'd love to... but was having dinner with Elton John. Which is the kind of far-fetched excuse only my sister would believe. He then said he was leaving because James wanted to go to a nightclub in Perth. Which is even more far-fetched if you ask me.

Anyhoo, Sis's birthday party may have been a popstar-free zone, but apparently forty people turned up at her apartment on Saturday night. She's only been in the country for nine months, so either she makes friends easily, or it's true what she says about Aborigines and free drink.