Amelie had a bad night last night, and just wouldn't fall asleep. It's surprising, because I elbowed her in the head before she went to bed, so you'd expect her to have been out cold for a good six hours. Obviously I didn't mean to (and I think Lisa believes that). I was just reaching behind me to pick up her fluffy pink bear coat, complete with furry ears, which I'd used that afternoon when I selflessly took Amelie for a walk so that Lisa could stay in and peel some potatoes. Unfortunately Amelie must have run up behind me at the wrong moment, because as I turned back, my elbow collided with the side of her head.

Fortunately Lisa's not one for recriminations, and doesn't like to point the finger unfairly. I think her exact words were "Now she knows how Baby P felt". After which she attempted to calm and reassure Amelie by saying "Just wait til you've got teeth and Daddy starts knocking them down your throat". She then started looking up the time of her next health visitor appointment, and digging out the leaflet on domestic violence.

She did drop the subject eventually though, and went strangely quiet. When I asked her what she was thinking, she said "I'm just trying to work out how I can mention this on your blog". I thought I'd save her the trouble.

Anyhoo, it's not surprising I was distracted, because shortly before my vicious assault on Amelie, the new series of 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here' started on ITV. One of the household names in this year's line-up is none other than Carly Zucker (try not to say "Who?"), the girlfriend of England footballer Joe Cole.

This information prompted Lisa to pose the following question: "I presume Joe Cole is the brother of Ashley Cole, is he?"

Well I'm no football expert, but let's take a look at the evidence...


I'd say the jury's still out on that one.