It's Friday the 13th today, which is quite appropriate because I've broken the Mirror...


Well ok, that's actually page 3 of the Daily Mail. I couldn't see myself in the Mirror this morning. Which is what happens when Amelie keeps you awake all night with her sore gums.

But there's always page 37 of the Daily Express...


Opinion is divided on the correct spelling of 'moggy'. Which is why The Sun went with 'Daft Puss'...

The super soaraway Sun gets my vote for best media coverage of the day, because in addition to putting Chloe on page 29 of today's edition, they've also stuck my photo on their website next to a picture of the 13-year-old boy who's become a father, thereby making me look both fat and old.

But the interesting thing about all the articles which have appeared in the national press today, is the following quote attributed directly to me:

"In fact her ears prick up every time I put the shower on. I have to keep the door locked when I go in to stop her jumping in with me."

It's not so much "in fact" as in fantasy. Not only did I never say it, but it's not remotely true. Although by the time I read it in the Daily Telegraph, I was starting to believe it myself.

Anyhoo, today has been quite possibly the most surreal day of my life so far. I've signed a magazine deal, spoken to both the BBC and ITV, and received e-mails from Channel Five, two national magazines, an international press agency, and half the population of Hong Kong. I was also recognised by a porter at the Royal Sussex County Hospital, who announced my arrival with the words "It's the celebrity!", and told me he'd seen me in the Metro on the bus.

I had to drive up to the Princess Royal Hospital this morning, and frankly my phone didn't stop ringing the whole way. My agent (oh yes) even phoned at one point to say she'd had a call from a commissioning editor wanting to know if I'd be willing to dress Chloe in a shower cap.

By lunchtime, both the BBC and ITV wanted me on tonight's evening news, and were willing to send camera crews straight round, so having taken a total of four phone calls on the subject, discussed the proposals thoroughly, and thought about it carefully over a cheese and ham bagel...

... I finally said no. The rollercoaster's going too fast and I want to get off.

But that didn't stop the BBC going ahead anyway. They put Chloe's YouTube video on tonight's 'South East Today'. I wouldn't mind, but the presenter accused her of having "a bit of a matted old coat". Anyone would think I own Bagpuss.